I FEAR I WOULD NOT BE UNDERSTOOD..
I fear that no one would understand…
I went away on a retreat with hubby, the next day in the morning, i thought to call and check in on everyone at home and put some arrangements in place as I left in a hurry. I called the security guard because I had told him to look after “Sweets” for me. I know you are wondering who Sweets is, she is a lovely WHITE DOVE we found hanging around the house, she was hurt; limping and with a broken wings.
My heart for nature and animals took over me as I started to research on how to care for her as I couldn’t find a Vet who could help. After a few days of intense care and love her limp was gone, she was walking and eating well and making good sounds. The focus now was for her wings to heal and grow back.
Back to the story; As soon as the security guard picked my call he said dragging his words, “ma….
“Sweets” is dead ! I thought he was joking because he his fond of pulling jokes. It was his intense silence that made me know it was for real. I asked what happened, he said he forgot to take her in, he left her outside over the night and a predator feasted on her.
I fell to the ground and wept like a baby! My heart drown deep inside my body. My mind start acting out in pictures and motion vividly playing out how she died; vulnerable unable to defend herself, torn apart by the hungry predator. How she cooed for her life but no one heard her as everyone was fast asleep. I wailed! I had pictured the day her wings would be strong and I was going to release her into the sky. Watch her fly gracefully…
I needed to speak with someone, my emotions were going all over the place, I was worried that no one would understand why I was acting the way. They would say “ oh Dami, it’s just a bird” or stop been dramatic or preach to me about the cycle of life prey vs predator and may make me feel worse. My heart desired strongly to speak with someone who would understand my pain.
Different thoughts kept scanning through my mind I was looking for who to call, then viola! I remembered a friend telling me some months back about a parrot she loved, how he died and how pained she felt. So I called her and poured out my anger and pain. it was such a relief I felt understood, she didn’t have answers but she listened and empathised without dismissing my feelings she helped me rationalise my closure as I was filled with so guilt, I felt better and as the days went I found a good closure for the exit of my friend “Sweets”.
When we go through painful experiences, we may struggle to speak with someone for the fear of been judged or misunderstood, one thing I am always sure of is that there is someone somewhere who can help navigate through these difficult moments, the other side of the coin is finding them and getting the courage to ask for help.
I hope also that we are that person to someone out there.
